Monday, 10 November 2008


For some, September the 11th, 2001 was a "good day to bury bad news" - as the world's attention focused on death and destruction in New York, government departments in the UK quietly pushed out press releases announcing how astonishingly rubbish our education, prison and rail systems were. And no one noticed. For a bit.

Today, as the comprehensive, round the clock coverage of every movement of the new messiah(tm), Barack Obama, begins to subside, only now are we beginning to realise the awful reality of the events of the past few days.

In perhaps the most striking example, while a majority in the USA were celebrating wildly after not electing an idiot, the state of California quietly announced that it was adopting Proposition 8, banning gay marriage. Apparently starting from tomorrow, every single "vile homosexual" must queue up outside state Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger's mansion and wait in turn to personally apologise to him for their misdemeanours.

But it doesn't end there. Whilst every single Indonesian was dancing in the streets to celebrate someone who once lived there for three minutes when he was two getting elected in a different country, their own government quietly shut down all the newspapers, banned ice-cream and kittens and deported all members of the opposition.

In Afghanistan, the Taleban and al-Qaeda dramatically announced a joint ceasefire and pledged to hand over all their arms to NATO forces and cease growing their vast opium crop. But, buried by the day's other news, the occupying powers failed to notice and just carried on with their offensive military operations.

And in Britain, Kerry Katona was able to go on a non-stop 38-hour cocaine, alcohol and M&Ms binge whilst going round and round repeatedly on the London Eye, Clive Dunn shot straight to number one in the singles charts with a hastily re-released "Grandad", and Edinburgh saw the first public hanging in the city since 1864.

In fact, the eyes of the British public were so focused on events across the Atlantic that not one single person complained when Radio 2 broadcast live an hour of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross actually having sex with Andrew Sachs' grand-daughter.

More revelations are sure to come out in the next few days, so keep your eyes peeled, people...